Drown in Irn Bru

Very rarely do I ever have an issue with people who lobbies in the streets to try to get people to change their mind on things with the likes of global warming as long as they are not a douche about it and if you are not interested in listening that they walk away. From experience, most of those are good people and are rarely annoying but I remember this one time that one of them just would not let it go and yes, I do meet people like this way more often than I think should legally be possible.

So this story starts with me walking around a local town just minding my business and listening to music when suddenly, I thought the following.

Snat’s stomach: LETS EAT!!!!

Snat’s neocortex: Umm, suppose it is around lunch time.

Snat’s hypothalamus: LETS EAT FOOD FOOD FOOD!!!!

Snat’s conscience: Wait, am I actually hungry?

Snat’s hypothalamus: DROWN ME IN IRN BRU!!!!!!

So after the different areas of my brain came up with peace treaties and agreements on what I would eat and drink, I then went and got myself some chips and cheese and Irn Bru for some random reason.

Anyway so I was walking and enjoying my food, I was walking down this back alley while looking around carefully and suddenly this woman came out of nowhere when I just entered the main street. Seeing this woman had some leaflets, I figured I could nod and walk away.

However that did not work. This woman was not just talking about children that are going without food in Africa but then went on to attack me personally saying that I do not need to eat. So I thought for a minute and then said.

Snat: Why?

Woman: Because children in Africa can not and would you like to go without?

Snat: So I should avoid a needed biological function because some child in Africa can not?

Woman: Yes, exactly that.

So for a minute, I was trying to find a reason for why she was saying this and I thought maybe because I am overweight and she was debating I could give money instead of eating and would still be well fed but no, she basically said stop eating.

So having not found a reason, I figured it might as well be worth following up while I am enjoying my lovely melted cheese as it melts onto my chips. So I went and asked her the following.

Snat: So then, I am guessing then you do not eat at all or if you do, at least you eat the bare little amount you need to live on like the children in Africa.

Woman: Of course not. I am needed to fight the battle to stop children from being hungry. It is people like you that need to stop eating so that your Government will take action!

Snat: Right. So I need to stop eating so that my Government will cut further into our standard of living and thus send money to the likes of Africa which they already do but it does not help out for whatever reasons such as fascist rulers ?

Woman: Yes exactly.

Snat: Would that not mean we would just have the same problem here ?

Woman: That is someone else’s problem, we have children who needs food now.

Snat: Right. So rather than making sure everyone here could eat and have a good standard of living, we would just send aid and all that to others which will only off set the problem for a while and then create a problem here which would possibly cause us to end up the same as them ?

Woman: (Loudly) Oh is that so. So you would RATHER have children never eating.

At this point, I notice that everyone looking at me and well, I could no longer be bothered with it.

Snat: (Loudly) Of course I want all the children in the world to eat. Infact, let them eat me AND the food I would eat – that is what you want me to do right?


Snat: Heh, whatever then. I will enjoy my food then.

So there we go and why I do not really like going to town anymore. Not only does my brain have an internal power struggle but some random people advise me to never eat so that our Government can ruin this country further and send that to another country which will not actually solve the issue but cause it over here.

So what lesson did I learn about that trip? Simple. Do not do drugs?

Need to reference?

Ellis, M. (2011). Drown in Irn Bru. [online] Snat's Narratives & Tales. Available at: https://snat.co.uk/rants/drown-in-iru-bru.html [Accessed 02 Dec 2023].

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