My Ideal Pet

Pets can be a wonderful thing to have. They can keep offering things like unconditional love, a friendly face … or a friendly tail if you prefer. I am sure many people have wonderful memories of pets and this article is really just me saying what I think honestly would be the ideal lovely pet to have.

As I am sure you know, the two most common forms of pets are cats and dogs. In the past, I have had both cats and dogs and I am sure you have heard about both of them on Tweaked for your Pleasure but neither of them I would classify as my ideal pet.

My Ideal Pet - XenoBob
My Ideal Pet – XenoBob

If you are using a web browser that displays an embedded sound, I am sure you just jumped in the air or something and now thinking “what the fuck was that” and if you are – that’s the sound of my ideal pet. If the sound did not load, click here: Xenomorphs saying hello.

Xenomorphs would make lovely pets and are one of the few “animals” in the world universe which need very little maintenance and are always more than happy to see you. Just look at the image on the right and at how they are smiling (showing their teeth is just their way of knowing you are there and that you have their attention) and they are always more than happy to jump over to you and hug you.

Sometimes you do have to be careful as they can get carried away when playfully biting as they do have very powerful jaws but you can rest assured that them being at least 6 feet you will not hurt them when you play around with them. They do have a slight issue with a little medical problem they have with throwing some acid up but hey, humans do so too at times but it is not harmful to them and is not really anything to worry about.

One little thing I do love about them is that everyone seems scared about two things about them. The first is that they are worried that they will be murdered by them but that is not true. Sure they do love hiding in the shadows just waiting for someone to come but then they only playfully try to bite you and sometimes they just get carried away with it. If you are that worried over them biting, just buy some acid armour and get yourself an M41 Pulse Rifle and if they do get carried away, with both of those you can give it the word “no” and it will back off remembering it went too far.

Also, if you are worried about them hiding in the shadows then either leave your lights on or just pick up a mobile sensor – they just love moving around and it will keep beeping you reminding you that your friendly pal is just behind you … all the time watching you from the darkness, studying you.

The next issue people have is that people believe Xenomorphs try to rape people and I am honestly shocked to hear that people actually believe this it hurts me a little for Xenomorphs to get a bad name due to this. Now, there is a picture below and I want you to honestly tell me that this little cute baby Xenomorph is trying to rape someone. I really want you to look at it for a few mins and HONESTLY tell me this cute little thing tries to rape people and is not only just jumping over to someone to play with them (do remember, they do get a little carried away).

I figured no would be the answer. I should also add that some people get worried about what they eat as they seem to think that they typically eat humans. First of all, there is actually no proof that they do and actually little proof they eat at all. Sure they MAY bite people by mistake but don’t dogs do the same?

So overall I personally would love to have a Xenomorph as a pet that is lovely, loyal, cute and overall a friendly pet to have around. If you think otherwise then maybe you should keep watching the shadows.

Need to reference?

Ellis, M. (2011). My Ideal Pet. [online] Snat's Narratives & Tales. Available at: [Accessed 07 Dec 2023].

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Dear Snat, I do wish to remind you that aliens, commonly refered to as xenomorphs, are classified as highly dangerous by the Weyland-Yutani corporation and the government, and are therefore illegal to possess as pets or for any other purpose. If you find a xenomorph, immediately contact the Weyland-Yutani corporation. We will capture the creature and have our faithful 120-A2 androids provide you with a “full-body examination.” If any unauthorized particle found on your person will cause you to have an immediate execution without trial. This is purely for “safety reasons.” Sincerely, Carter J. Burke P.S. You are assured that… Read more »