Saving You from Yourself

Ah, the UK Government. Forever finding new and exciting ways to wrap a halfway decent idea in a festering bin bag of bureaucracy and privacy violations. Enter the Online Safety Act, the shiny new legislation that claims it wants to keep you safe online. Especially the kiddies. Because if there is one thing politicians love, it is pretending they understand the internet and care about children in equal measure. Spoiler: they usually understand neither, and it is worth saying that as of posting this, the technology secretary Peter Kyle has no advanced qualifications in either science or technology, which kinda shows the problem with Governments and why the civil services matter so much.

Now, in principle, sure, it sounds great. Let us stop kids from stumbling across porn, gambling, crypto scams, and whatever hellscape TikTok is peddling today. Nobody is saying your ten-year-old niece should be watching videos that belong on a certain section of the internet after dark. So yes, having some age verification? That makes sense in theory.

But how are they going about it? Absolutely bonkers.

Let us talk about access to 18+ content. Not just porn, by the way. We are talking about forums for mental health support, sex education sites, certain subreddits, and even some of the steamier corners of fan fiction. Basically, anything with a pair of animated breasts or a mention of kinks is now a red flag. So when you want to read up on how to practise safe sex, explore your identity, or just enjoy a bit of adult fiction, guess what? You now need to prove you are an adult. And not just by ticking a box saying “I swear I am over 18, honest gov.” No, now you need to show your ID.

And before you say, “Well, I will just use a VPN or Tor,” yes, that works for now. But that is not the bloody point. You should not have to jump through digital hoops and obscure your entire identity just to look at something perfectly legal. And if this nonsense keeps growing, do not be shocked when the Dark Net starts playing host to everyday content. You will be firing up Tor not to buy drugs, but to watch a YouTube video on how to tie a knot for that rope bondage scene in your favourite webcomic. What used to be normal browsing might soon be treated like criminal activity. Congratulations, we have created the underground internet for people who just wanted a quiet night and a particular search history.

And here is the kicker. These sites are not handling your ID directly. That would be too sensible. Instead, the Government is pushing it all onto third-party ID verification companies. Obviously, the best way to protect your privacy is to give your personal data to some faceless tech firm with a Terms of Service nobody reads and servers probably running in a broom cupboard. So now there is a record floating around that you visited a kink-friendly support site, or you watched someone sit on a cake, or you read a long fanfic about Sonic the Hedgehog that started innocent and ended with an 18+ rating and a pair of handcuffs. And if you think that data is not going to be leaked, sold, scraped, or misused in all the usual lovely ways, then bless your naïve little heart.

Other countries? They are watching. This is the pilot project. Get it rolled out here, watch it spread like a digital rash across the globe. Because once one Government gets away with treating its citizens like suspects, the rest are going to queue up to do the same. Before long, every click will come with an age check and a paper trail. It is not the free internet anymore. It is the bouncer at the door saying “not tonight, mate” because you did not bring three forms of ID and a blood sample.

And you know what? It does not even have to be this way. If you must have age verification, fine. Build an API. A simple, Government-run service that returns nothing but “yes, this user is over 18” or “no, they are not”. No names. No site tracking. No third-party nonsense. The Government does not know what site you visited, and the site does not get your passport. It is the digital equivalent of asking someone their age and taking a nod for an answer. Sorted.

But no. That would be too clean, too effective, too respectful. Instead, we get creeping surveillance. And this, let us be honest, is what it is really about. Not protection. Not safety. Control. Every time something like this is rolled out, it ends the same way: with more boxes to tick, more data to hand over, and less say in how you live your digital life. And the United Kingdom? We are brilliant at this. We are the world champions of CCTV, of over-policing the mundane, of treating our own citizens like naughty schoolchildren who cannot be trusted with sharp tools. If there is a way to wrap a control system in a warm, fuzzy lie, you can bet we will proudly call it a feature.

So yes, the Online Safety Act began as a way to protect children. But like every bad policy dressed in a good intention, it is heading straight into a future where you need clearance to get off. If we let this stand, we are not just giving up privacy. We are handing over our freedom, our autonomy, and our ability to think and act like adults online without someone peering over our shoulders.

And if you think giving up your ID just to look at porn is a fair price, just wait until they make you scan your face to read the news. Wait until they decide what you can see so that it aligns with the Government’s point of view. Don’t think it will happen? Look at America.

For further information on what you could do about this, as emailing your MP will do jack shit, people ain’t yet pissed off enough for a revolution or the fact that Peter Kyle and thus the Government he represents, says you are a pedo if you want changes, consider joining the Open Rights Group.